day 6

I ended up sleeping at 7pm the day before
Woke up at 3am and was like 'what am I doing with my life lol'
Waited for 7.30pm and went out alone to the mart to buy English mushrooms (They were on sale, for 1 Euro each)
I bought 8 of them for my aunt's restaurant, and two boxes of cherry tomatoes for 0.69 Euro each. Gonna miss all of this once I get back to Ubiland, I swear.

Then we went to an atas mart for breakfast. Fresh ham and turkey meat and all that jazz, take my money and my house, idk. My cousin observed that I look much rounder already, and it's Day 6, and I kinda wanna die now, with all the fat I'm bringing back to Malaysia. (Miss, you probably need to upsize your luggage. All that fat went past our regulations, miss.)

It was a pretty uneventful day as I went out grocery shopping with my cousin again, grabbing boxes from the mart to be used as takeout boxes for the customers in the restaurant (Which is totally genius, by the way). I had noodle soup for dinner which is perfect for the weather, and a plateful of mushrooms. I can die happy now.

Speaking of the weather, it is obnoxiously cold today. The past 5 days can go home and watch tv or something, I woke up to a white world today, with the fog and all. All the branches were frozen and the plants are white, just like how we would spray fake snow on our Christmas tree, it was like that everywhere today. I couldn't even comprehend how cold it is. 

I spent some time researching the papers for A Level Chinese and English, just in case I could really study in Germany. They are all pretty hard, and I'm very discouraged, but I don't wanna ruin my holiday mood for something that is so uncertain now. It will nag me for weeks and months ahead, though.

The thing about going to the United Kingdom is that it made me quite sad, really. I always had this (irrational) dream to study in Tealand, and the University of Manchester was my choice. And then a year ago I found out that it was impossible for me to even do a year there, so I needed to stop the thought. I said it was okay, I waved it off, but well, I probably need some time to move on, you see. I'm a pretty stupid person in these situations, and going to Manchester now and living just down the street to the University is like pouring salt onto a wound, you know?

And then my mom wanted me to go visit and take a look at the University. I rejected the offer, but she seemed pretty adamant about it. I would probably cry if I go. It's like shoving the fact that I never would realise this dream in my face, you know? It's like showing me what could have been, the what ifs, and then take it all away when I touch it. It's cruel, and I don't know how to tell my mom and my relatives about this. I'm a shit person when it comes to feelings, you see, but just thinking about this made my heart ache, literally (I hope it's because of this, and not because of cholesterol), so I probably would need to figure this one out.

I'm on the flight to Manchester now, and hearing all the British English makes me want to cry a little. Only now I realised how badly I wanted to come to the UK, and only now I realised how hard I tried to avoid acknowledging this desperation of mine. Will need to deal with this, too.

2017, I'm 20, and I need to get in touch with myself all over again. Good luck, self.

On the plane now, would post this and maybe a picture if I could when I have Wifi.

Ciaos!

Update: Arrived in the UK, and the weather here is nothing compared to Frankfurt. It's 6 degrees here, and it's chilly at best. My resistance to cold have been building up well, thanks to the inhumane temperature in Bad Krozingen. Woohoo.

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