am i now updating every 6 months? we will never know

alright, another mumbling grumbling post of mine 

last semester was a blur

i knew it was going to be hellish, to say the least, right during march when i finally sat down and evaluated my responsibilities 

tt, icms, askar wataniah (still is very sorry about that), and six fucking core subjects with finals

why don't you just kill me instead yeah

tt was tiring, but fucking amazing

i loved how difficult and physically tiring it was, but the relationship that came out of it was worth it

i now have 8 children, and i could happily say that this year we did it right by keeping the emcee training more family-like 

we were much closer with the finalist than how it was last year

that, for me, was the most important thing; the overall champion was just an extra achievement unlocked

i did not have the guts to take on the role as main emcee, and do i regret it sometimes? 

i do

but i know that i would not have been able to do it so well as how michelle and renee did

so i knew that this is one of the things that i will have to give up 

is this a justification just to make me feel better? 

maybe

but it made me feel better

going on to askar wataniah, because i would have the least to say

i have been entirely neglecting my responsibility right after society day

most things clashed with icms

i no longer had the heart to go back

the inefficiency of how things were done frustrates me

and i do not see myself spending the rest of my life in the army

it will be an unforgettable achievement, and it will stay that way

i am now making an entire document and archive from the ground up for the new committees

and im going to facilitate the handover process well 

dont want to make the same mistakes as the last batch of committees

and it is the least i could do, you know?

icms. ah.

do i feel out of place some times? 

of course

i dont join their hangouts that often (im too fucking far away and is an introvert) 

and my self-diagnosed imposter syndrome will always scream at me that i dont do enough to qualify myself to be on that board

so i decided to do something about it

to help as much as i can

to stay around after events as often as i can

to join in discussions and to actually push for change done within my team

if i am unhappy about how things are, then i should change it instead of whining, yeah? 

6 fucking core subjects marks the end of my CGPA 4.00 streak

procurement.... mr theam you taught me alot yes, but that fucking 64 marks in the assignment

sighs

what even is a comment like 'your work is good for dissertation, but not assignment'? 

still, he is one of the teachers that i had throughout my short 1.5 year in degree that could stimulate my thoughts

although sometimes it doesn't really go with logic, but okay

it's fine

gonna buck up this semester

entrepreneurship is going to be a pain in the ass, so i'm gonna get shit done as soon as possible

when there's a will, there's a way yall

you are halfway through jiaqi's word vomit of the day (procrastination tool actually), so take a deep breath and drink water before i go on

yay

now going on to interpersonal things

relationship with parents are tight because i spend so little time at home 

feeling abit sorry though cuz i spend so little time at home, but when im back

im working (rip)

mom, dad, rocky i love yall okay

but i gotta work so i dont feel guilty and shitty (haha)

friendships! missed hanging out with the squad

samantha, cheng yuan, weixiang, we hang out only once or twice nowadays, but we always make it count

same goes to vyleen, yongwen, and chengyuan (again) 

sorry for being a shitty friend that doesnt keep in touch on social media

i still care for you guys alot okay just whenever you need help hit me up okay ill make time for you guys

im just bad at keeping daily conversations and texting

(rip) 

yiwei is still a gem, forever a gem, forever having a soft spot in my heart, that little shit

loving the dynamics we have right now

your mom is cool

and i like the view of your balcony

that talk by the pool with beer and the moon above us? i will remember it despite having the memory of a goldfish

alexis, i forever love you, you're closest to me, fuck you if your insecurities make you feel otherwise

you are fucking pretty and amazing

its okay if you dont believe it now, ill take my entire life to tell you

brandon went to the US now! glad that we actually keep in touch more often that we used to (cuz i fucking bluetick him for months im an ass and im finally changing my ways) 

gotta make time to meet up with edwin and sarah! miss them, and edwin is burning me left and right for being busier than a fucking minister lmao 

should i reply josh's inbox? i feel like i should. i really should. but how should i explain the month-long read that i left him on? 

work! translations

i stopped working last semester cuz i dont actually want to die

and ive burnt through all of my savings by not adjusting my spending quick enough to the lack of income

AND the big purchases i made for the fam (a phone for mom and a robot vacuum! best purchase ever)

still stayed close and chatting with the people on the team

the work got me a boyfriend lmao best work ever

even if the pay is kinda shit but i still enjoy it

thanks for the initial rec, sam, love you <3

now getting back to work, trying to get back to the usual speed and not get fucking distracted all the time 

once i get my safety savings back up, ill start saving up to get the house a bigger tv! hehe

im getting fatter and fatter that i really should go and exercise so i dont die some day but like im so busy (nah im just lazy to go workout and wash my hair after) but ya

i need to get my ass away from the fucking laptop

but should i work more for more money? i need the money tho, as soon as possible

but fat

sigh

also discovered a weird-ass chinese opera voice in me one day 

weird

finally going to address the point

i got a boyfriend now

marcus is a gem lah

a fluffy, grumpy, salty boy that is way too sensitive for his own good sometimes but has developed a huge-ass soft spot for me

we broke the fucking bed cuz we plopped down on the bed without considering our collective weight

now i need to find the perfect spot to climb on bed else the supporting wood below would give way

hahhahha amazing 

bought me a shiba plushie and got me a victorinox (it was free, thanks sg ns) for my 21st 

also paid for my food when he was around (he insisted cuz apparently sgd) 

the time we spent together is like what, 3 days? in the span of 3 months? but for me it was enough

well, not really, but you get the point

sometimes distance is what makes everything sweeter, you know? 

alright its 12 am now i should really get to work

cya guys in another six months

also check out chloe moriando on youtube shes the cutest and the best

bye