on the issue of privacy

did a self reflection exercise recently
because i don't want to die without knowing exactly who i am
and there is always a chance i will die the next minute
and because it's holidays and i can afford sleepless nights

turns out i know quite alot about myself
i know exactly who i am
and how i elude the rest of the world

see, i am an extremely private person
it isn't too hard for me to notice that i put up this persona day to day
and i am not ashamed of it
the persona changes with who i am with
but i am not lying
the persona is still me
a me that i have harnessed over the years and deemed safe to show to the world
and that the persona is the most beneficial one for my life proceedings
it is a planned show, a performance perfected through practice

hence i am not ashamed. for i did not lie.

no one knew what i actually are, no matter how close you think you are to me
no matter how you thought you knew me
no, you never knew
because i am an elaborate liar, you see
just as how researchers has backups for their backups
i have persona beneath the persona

do not reprimand me
do not talk me down
do not tell me this is unhealthy
for as so many years of being alone
i have too much time to think
and this path i have chosen is prime
and i have no guilt

and if i really die one day
without warning
and without any chance for me to approach my electronics
do me a favour, oh my fellow readers
reformat all of my electronics, leave nothing behind
my phone, my laptop, my desktop
all of them
because even though i have ceased to exist
it doesn't mean i give you the right to peek through the curtains
and here i forbid you to do so

but do check out the letter i pasted on the walls of my hostel room
and do listen to the audio files i have recorded in my blue mp3
under the file 'Demise'
do not open anything else
or i'll be very very cross

cheers

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