shadows are what define our sunny days

Prolonged hours of wake allows the reconciliation of the me from two ends of the spectrum
Okay and Not Okay, if phrased in layman's language

People ask why I refuse to sleep sometimes
Maybe
because at night that's when the ghosts are the strongest
the whispers are active and lurking and threatening and-
Maybe
sometimes i am too afraid of the self inflicted abuse
when i tear myself limb from limb
bites of flesh and feeds on the choked cry that comes from my own throat
lavish in the fact that i have sinned and i should not wake to the sunlight

People ask why I refuse to sleep sometimes
Maybe
its because I'm addicted to how my brain just loses it and stops functioning
s t o p s
how it just refuse to process and how my eyes just loses focus on what i am seeing
so when i am seeing, im seeing nothing but noticing everything
and how my brain just sees the lights on the streets pass by like shooting stars and dont even marvel
because it is finally peaceful and quiet and safe and serene and nobody can find me 
can you find me, me?

 oh you'll never run

shadows are what define our sunny days
Maybe
i would be fine to the idea of trading off sunny days
to avoid the shadows

because shadows they c o n s u m e

just like now
the both sides of me met
we talk to each other in frantic whispers and erratic inhales of oxygen
with exaggerated hand gestures and nervous chuckles and eyes that looks like death and
the grin that never crinkle the edge of our eyes

i always knew i was different
but i dont know how to categorize myself

36 hours
and counting


 hey, me, do you want to discuss how many ways you can possibly die within a minute?

 yeah, let's.


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