painfully ignorant

there will be times when you just wish to disappear off the face of the earth, disappear from the chain of time and expectations.
there will be times when it hurts even to breathe.

things change through the little ticks of time, the ones that we used to have will slip through our fingers, quietly, endlessly. things happen through every short intake of oxygen, the ones that we see will decieve us, the ones that we know will turn their backs at us.

time, is nothing but a cold-hearted joke.

people ask why i'm ignorant, why i'm slow at every aspect of life. i never seem to get things, i never seem to know stuff happening around me. why i seem to forget things right after it happened, why i never seem to give an effort to remember.

often i shrug them off with a smile that never really reached my eyes, sometimes answering them with a "because i am me?" that never really register in my heart.

for i know too much
too much of myself until the extent that im too afraid of
me.

everything is just a choice

a choice to remember
a choice to forget
a choice to be aware
and a choice to be painfully ignorant

but to know
is never a choice.

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